Monday, October 1, 2012

A friend's suicide attempt

One of my best friends tried to commit suicide yesterday.
She called last night to tell me this news and that she is going to a rehab center in her home state (hundreds of miles from me).
As soon as I got off the phone, I was a total wreck.. couldn't eat or move.. just totally numb.
She texted me this morning before she left for rehab saying, 
"I am safe now and will recover. You're my best friend Haley, I love you. I want to get better so I'll be alive and able to come see you and take you out and smile and take pictures in person."
I want all of those things for her, too. I cannot describe to you how much I want those things.

I feel like a piece of my heart is missing. This girl is the most gorgeous, intelligent, witty, unique, and creative person I have ever come across. It's so hard for me to come up with a reason for all of the sadness that has been dwelling inside her these past few weeks. She didn't deserve any of it.

One of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver
All day, guilt has overcome me whenever I catch myself smiling or laughing, while this beautiful friend of mine is struggling.
However, I know that she wouldn't want me to be sad. Honestly, she would probably be upset with me for putting my life on hold for something like this. But I can't help my aching heart.
I just wish I was with her. I wish I could hug her so tightly that she could actually feel the love I have for her emanating from my insides.

I don't know what else to say right now.. other than I am happy each of you are alive to be reading this. Life is a precious gift, not to be wasted worrying over things that won't matter a lifetime, or even a year, from now.
I'm going to continue living mine, for myself and for my friend.

P.S. Greg Laswell's song 'Comes and Goes' is very relevant and has been in my head all day. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I do.



  1. You are such an amazing friend, Haley. You're right, she wouldn't want you to be upset or sad. Keep smiling as that will help YOUR pain and when she sees you smiling it will help HER as well :)


  2. i have been in your friend's situation haley. its friends like you that give us reasons to live. if it werent for those that love me i know id be dead. im literally about to cry as i type this. thank you for being an amazing friend. if you ever need to vent feel free to inbox me (: ♥

  3. So sorry to hear this. This girl's lucky to have you as a friend Haley, someone who loves and supports her. Hopefully in rehab, she will get the help she needs. It hurts that you can't physically be there for her, but I'm sure she still values your support and friendship, or else she wouldn't have sent you that message this morning.


  4. Oh wow. I am so sorry. My heart goes out to both of you. I hope your friend can get the help she needs. It's important to keep your own needs in focus while being a support to others. Thinking of you tonight. xo

  5. Oh, I am so sorry that your friend cried for help in this manner. How horrific she must have felt and you, when you discovered what had happened. I am glad she is able to reach out to her friends and to say what is going on.

    Hugs for you and for your recovering friend.