Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Back from Neverland :)

Okay, so I doubt anyone even reads this thing anymore!
I mean, when was the last time I posted? Forever ago..
But that is okay! I started this blog for me and ultimately that is what it is about.. my sanity :P

So anywayyyy, life has been good.
Ups and downs, for sure.
But I am happy.
I am experiencing emotion.
I cannot describe in words the change that has overcome me this past year.

I went to see my therapist, Dr. Tatem, yesterday for the first time in quite a while. After a few minutes of us just chatting and catching up, she just stared at me with this weird smile on her face..
I was like, "What?"
And she responded saying that she has never seen me with so much spirit. She said that now, even when describing my worst days, I still have more fire and life than she had ever seen in me before.
She also said that I have grown so much.. Honestly, that is definitely how I would sum up this chapter of my life. It has definitely been about growth and discovering who I am.

No one wants the Haley that was stuck inside of a skeletal body, wishing she could just be alone and not wanting to socialize, eat out, go out with everyone..
They like the one that is dancing on the couch like she's had wayyy too much to drink even though I really have not had a sip!

Living=letting yourself feel... everything!

Yes, it hurts sometimes, but life is so much better now that I am laughing or crying or angry or whatever!
I am getting to know myself.
I LOVE who I am.
I love this quirky, confident, confused, spunky, outgoing, and crazy girl!
I wasn't ready for the picture.. :) haha, but this is typical Hay + Nay
P.s. Renee, I am stealing pictures from your blog because I am writing this from a computer at school. :P
I'll upload my own soon :)
I love my team!!
So anorexic thoughts definitely comes back to bite me in the butt sometimes; don't get me wrong..
And that ultimately leads to a binge *or multiple binges*..
But I am learning to give my body, mind, and soul everything that it desires because
I deserve that.

Connor and I are still together, and we are more in love than ever. He is my everything.
I am loving Nutrition (my major), and running is going alright, as well. I do wish that I could lose some of this binge weight so that I would be more fit for this season, but it will all come off in due time if it is meant to happen.
My family is the same, my family.. We're distant, and it hurts sometimes, but maybe it's better this way..

I will write again soon with a more detailed post. I just wanted to do a little catch-up. I miss everyone I have met through blogger, and I hope you all have been doing wonderfully!
<3 Haley


  1. HALeY I MISSED YOU SO FREAKIN MUCH- seriously. SO happy for you- this post makes me so happy! you are truly amazing :)

  2. Aww, I missed your blogs! I'm glad XC is going well for you and that your therapist visit went well too. Hopefully things turn around for you this year/semester. And don't worry about losing weight- at least by your DailyMile it sounds like you're in awesome shape for the season :). But, I know how you feel, for someone who's had a history of ED, if we get slower running or something, and have gained weight, I guess it's a tendency to try to blame it on that or think losing would make us faster, although that's not always it. But yeah, I sorta get it

    Love the pictures of you and your team and those shirts :).

  3. Welcome back to the blogging world. :)

    Glad to know that you have been doing well!


  4. Yay I'm glad you're back, girl! And I love hearing how good life's been for you!

  5. so glad to hear you have been doing well and making progress <3

  6. Your backkkkkk! :)
    Good to hear that things have been going mostly well and your right, letting yourself feel even if it hurts, is so much better than not living.
    Stay strong <3

  7. Yay!!!!!! Haley, this makes me so happy! You are almost exactly mirroring the phases that I went through.

    I actually only lost my binge weight (just a couple of pounds of fluff, haha) in the past couple of months. It only happens when you're truly at peace with your body and your healthy eating habits.

    Lots and lots of love,


  8. WOOOOHOOOO YAAAAAY I AM SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK!!! Having a little solo dance celebration in my room right now ;)

    And I am SO happy that you're back to your quirky happy crazy self!! And I know you're running has been going amazing and you are awesome and I LOVE YOU!!

    P.S. Thank you for your sweet comment!! I know you totally understand so it means a lot <3 <3

  9. yayayayayayaya!! lots of love to you!

  10. This post made me so so happy :D I have been missing your posts, and I often think of you and hope everything is OK! And this post showes that you are :)
    Life has its ups and downs! What Ive realized is that I so much rather want to FEEL both good and bad, than not feel anything at all! Im glad you have got your spirit back!!

  11. Yes, you most definitely deserve to live and love and have a life that is free from an eating disorder.
    I love you little shining star <3

  12. Hayley,
    I have missed your posts so much! Welcome back! I'm so glad to see you are in a good place right now, that is so awesome. You have worked SO hard and you deserve every bit of progress and joy you're feeling in this life.
    Keep going, girl!

  13. So happy for you, Haley!!! I'm so glad that you're seeing what an incredible person you are and that you're loving life! <3

  14. Good for you!!! Seriously, I was 23 when I finally woke up and started to live again (my lifeless years were age 19 to 23, after high school). I wish I had my college years back sometimes. Your man has definitely been an angel, glad to see you two are still attached at the hip.