Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Happy, healthy, and enthusiastic :)

The title for this post is a quote said often by one of my teammates when he's trying to convince himself that things are going to work out just fine at the end of the day.
These words do a great job of describing my state right now, though.

I'm doing quite well, in all areas of life.
My grades are good. If I continue to do as well these next 2 weeks as I have the rest of the semester, then I should end up with straight A's.
I am back to running. :) This is my third week of workouts. Although I am dreadfully slow, (or at least I feel like it when compared to where I have been and know I can be), and it is discouraging, I continue to push on.

My eating has been really good. I am on a weight loss meal plan right now, and I know that many people, especially in the Recovery Community, disagree with it. I would, too, but I really do need to lose weight if I want to be back in great shape by August.
Also, I'm doing it for me. I let myself go, and it feels good to have myself under control now.
The obviously difficult part about this whole thing is that I have experienced (and conquered) anorexia, and diets like this only flirt with ED. I don't want anything to do with it, but the ideas are still there.
The idea of undereating lingers and tempts. It would mean faster weight loss, faster results, and positive attention.
However, I know that the negative consequences far outweigh the potential positive results.
So I'm holding on, and doing well with writing down everything I'm eating. (No calorie counting, though, at least not until the end of the day and I need more.)
I hope that I can hold on to this fine line that I've drawn. We'll see. It will obviously be hard, but there is too much pressure not to walk it.

And I'm super super happy being single(?), as weird as that is.
I told myself I wouldn't and COULDN'T like anyone for a long, loooong time.
Yet, I find myself talking to someone now, despite the rules I set for myself.
I guess part of the reasoning for my breaking of this rule is that I got over my ex sooo much faster than I expected I would-probably because he is no longer the person that I fell in love with.
Anyway, it just happened, and who am I to say that this is wrong when it feels right? I thought long and hard about it, and I decided I don't want to jump into anything, yet I should not have to put my life on hold just because people expect that of me.
He is very sweet and kind. He appreciates me, and things are just so easy with him.

Despite whatever relationship status I have, I am happy. And I'm doing well, in most every aspect of life.
I went home for Easter, and I enjoyed spending time with my dad, brother, and sister.
My mother called me to tell me that she is in Florida with a friend. She left the year long rehab program she was attending one month ago, after only spending 3 months there.
I missed her call, but she left me a voicemail telling me all of this. I had already known she had left, and she admitted that she didn't call me because she knew I'd be disappointed. Of course I am, and I was before she called me because of course I knew that she was out on the streets.
Nevertheless, I'll always love my mom. I hope she does well, but I can't spend this time worrying about her. It does me no good.

I'm planning on becoming a nanny this summer, and I have a few jobs lined up already. I am also in my best friend's wedding, and just before that I am going to Harry Potter World with two of my best friends. :) The summer should be fun, new, and exciting. I'm excited for what life has to offer me and what I can do with it.



  1. Congratulations Haley!

    Never doubted for one second how strong you are.
    So glad to hear you're thriving.

  2. I am glad things are going well for you. It is good to see better spirits! Keep us posted on how things go for you. How much longer do you have in school?

  3. It makes me so happy to see that you're doing well!! I'm in the same position as far as running, weight, and nutrition go. It's sort of scary, but at the same time I know how detrimental it would be to revert back to old habits. We've come too far to do that! Keep up the good work!!

  4. glad you are doing better ; )
    i know your intentions on your current meal plan are good and honest intentions but please be careful and if you start to feel the ed tugging at you... re-assess and always be honest about it.

    proud of you for reclaiming your life and not letting the things that have happened keep you down ; )

  5. I love you and as ever, be gentle, be mindful and always remember that you are your own number one <3

  6. Hey Haley,
    I wanted to send a blog link for you. Don't know if you ever read Lize B.'s Blog, but she is a recovering anorexic and has written a book. She is also a former high school running standout. Some of her posts are pretty good. Figured you might get something out of it.