1) The happy, fun loving, free spirited Haley
2) ED Haley with all the baggage that attaches to it
3) THIS struggling Haley not knowing which direction she's going
I was discussing this with Mollie, and I began to say, "Listen, I'm sorry that I got anorexia," because that was the part in the letter when ex's mom began to explain that I changed and my relationship with her changed..
Mollie brought up a good point. There is no apologizing for developing ED. I'm pretty sure no one WANTS to develop an eating disorder, at least no one that I know wished for that.
But did it change me? Yes.. It did.
I've changed.. I've gotten more serious in certain ways. I've learned weaknesses and strengths in myself, and I have learned to love myself even when it was the hardest thing in the world to do so.
I don't agree with her. I might be struggling, and I may not know EXACTLY where I am headed in life.. but I feel like I have a good idea..
And I know that I can accomplish whatever it is I put my heart, soul, mind, and body into.
I may not be in a relationship right now, and I may not be on top of my game in running. And maybe to others that makes me seem lost.
But I'm not.
I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm going to show everyone what I am made of.
I'm not the struggling Haley that has no direction. I'm still happy, goofy, loving Haley, the one who beat and is still beating ED, and the one who knows what it's like to win after coming from behind, cuz that's what I've done before and it is what I am about to do.
P.S. First track workout today in FOREVER. Well, really, I had one in January. But then I got hurt again. And this was my first workout since October, discounting the one. It was hard, and my times were by no means fast. But I worked hard, and I am excited about the progress I am making. I'll get there. :)