Tuesday, March 20, 2012


My last post sounded so positive.. and until last night, I was pleasantly surprised that my break up with my serious boyfriend of 2 and a half years did not sadden or upset me near as much as I expected.

Then, this morning on my 4 mile run, I swear I saw him running ahead of me on campus. He turned and made a cut through the intramural soccer/lacrosse fields. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch him, and that really upset me. It was somewhat metaphorical.
We're not on the same page anymore.. We used to run together, and we no longer do.

I haven't cried this whole week.. I've been almost stoic about everything, probably because I saw this coming, and I thought it best to be strong and level-headed.

But, being completely frank, I realize that even after all is said and done I am still so very much in love with him. All of a sudden my heart feels ripped open and exposed for the world to see.

I miss the texts saying good morning and sweet dreams. I miss our lunches in the Union. I miss making fun of him for studying so much while I slacked. I miss his smile and laugh and how he played with our puppy. I miss crying on his shoulder at times like this.. I miss him.

The Taylor Swift song, "Last Kiss", came on my ipod while I was on my way to an NCAA drug test this morning. They speak true to my feelings now..

"You can hope for a change in weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind..
So I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss."


P.S. I changed the name of my blog from "All Or Nothing" to "Running towards Recovery & Happiness". I don't want and don't really have the All Or Nothing attitude these days. And I think the new one fits much better.. The goal is to accomplish both recovery and happiness every day.


  1. I love you my darling.
    I am so sorry I am so behind on everything.
    I am always here for you and I do hope, that with time, and thoughts and love and friends, you can manage through this.
    Relationships are hard.
    I am 30 and I find them hard, still.
    There is no predicting what can or cannot happen.
    What matters right now is that you focus on YOU and that is your number one priority <3

  2. Haley I'm proud of you for embracing these difficult emotions instead of pushing them away. God is using this time to teach you something (you probably don't know what but he is). Remember when you hurt he hurts too. You have come so far with the ED so you can for sure recover from this breakup as well. love you!

  3. Breakups suck. :( I'm a new readers so I don't know your whole story, but keep the faith--everything happens for a reason and it always works out as it should in the end!

  4. ps i'm really glad you're blogging again I've missed you :)