My last post sounded so positive.. and until last night, I was pleasantly surprised that my break up with my serious boyfriend of 2 and a half years did not sadden or upset me near as much as I expected.
Then, this morning on my 4 mile run, I swear I saw him running ahead of me on campus. He turned and made a cut through the intramural soccer/lacrosse fields. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch him, and that really upset me. It was somewhat metaphorical.
We're not on the same page anymore.. We used to run together, and we no longer do.
I haven't cried this whole week.. I've been almost stoic about everything, probably because I saw this coming, and I thought it best to be strong and level-headed.
But, being completely frank, I realize that even after all is said and done I am still so very much in love with him. All of a sudden my heart feels ripped open and exposed for the world to see.
I miss the texts saying good morning and sweet dreams. I miss our lunches in the Union. I miss making fun of him for studying so much while I slacked. I miss his smile and laugh and how he played with our puppy. I miss crying on his shoulder at times like this.. I miss him.
The Taylor Swift song, "Last Kiss", came on my ipod while I was on my way to an NCAA drug test this morning. They speak true to my feelings now..
"You can hope for a change in weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind..
So I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss."
P.S. I changed the name of my blog from "All Or Nothing" to "Running towards Recovery & Happiness". I don't want and don't really have the All Or Nothing attitude these days. And I think the new one fits much better.. The goal is to accomplish both recovery and happiness every day.