I decided to have a shake for dinner tonight. I have lots to do, and I just didn't feel like cooking anything for myself. So I put some yogurt, soy milk, a banana, spinach, ice, and a scoop of protein powder into the blender and called it a meal!
I was cleaning up while sipping on my shake when a roommate came downstairs. This is the only roommate that does any sports. She was my track teammate, and although I love her, it's times like these that I get very bothered..
She noticed that my protein powder was out and said, "Why do you use whey protein?"
Me: "Cuz this smoothie is my dinner and it needs to fill me up! Plus I haven't really had any protein today."
Roommate: "You know if you don't lift weights that stuff makes you retain fat."
Me: (I hesitate.. topics like this are always very sensitive with me) "Well, whatever. A calorie is a calorie."
Roommate: "No, not really.. I've talked to lots of doctors and trainers and everything about it. You can actually have mine. I don't want it anymore" (points to her container of cookies 'n cream whey)
Me: "Why don't you want it?"
Roommate: "Because it makes you fat! I just said that."
My pandora was playing, and luckily one of my favorite Modest Mouse songs came on and I just zoned out by singing while continuing to clean up.
After a few seconds of her watching me, she said she had to go and I waved goodbye.
It's not just the words she spoke, but the way that she said it that made my skin crawl. She spoke to me as if I am voluntarily making myself fat and SHE knows better than to eat that stuff, so ha!
I am so very close to being completely recovered from all of my eating disorders, it is crazy. But hearing shit like this still sets something off in me.
I went to my room and googled something like, "Does whey protein make you retain fat if you are not working out?"
Mostly I got 'yahoo answers' responses, but from what I gathered it doesn't make you gain weight or fat any more than any other food would. It's basically pure protein, so it is a supplement for your diet if you don't get enough..
I guess the point of this post is that I am freaking tired of hearing things like this.
Why is our society so hell-bent on being the thinnest/losing the most weight/looking the best?
Honestly, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and I weigh more than I have ever weighed.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, geesh.. you have let yourself go.
But then I remember how far I have come and where I am headed.. I remember the seemingly-eternal hell that I went through in order to make myself 'skinny' and 'fast'.
I just want to let anyone that is struggling with an eating disorder to know that there is such a better life out there for you after recovery, a life of happiness, wholeness, joy.
I didn't feel anything when I was anorexic.. or when I was really deep in binge eating disorder, really. And who wants to live their life as a numb shell of the person they could be?
It's just that I am so tired of people telling me what I can and cannot do, what I can and cannot eat, etc..
We shouldn't place rules on food. Food is fuel. And more than that, it is something to savor, taste, love.
I'm done ranting. I know this was all over the place. I am not even going to reread or edit this post. I am just so done with it all.
I'll be writing a more up-to-date/less bitchy post sometime in the near future.
Sending you all my love,