Thursday, August 30, 2012

You shouldn't eat that; you'll get fat.

I am very frustrated right now to say the least.

I decided to have a shake for dinner tonight. I have lots to do, and I just didn't feel like cooking anything for myself. So I put some yogurt, soy milk, a banana, spinach, ice, and a scoop of protein powder into the blender and called it a meal!

I was cleaning up while sipping on my shake when a roommate came downstairs. This is the only roommate that does any sports. She was my track teammate, and although I love her, it's times like these that I get very bothered..

She noticed that my protein powder was out and said, "Why do you use whey protein?"
Me: "Cuz this smoothie is my dinner and it needs to fill me up! Plus I haven't really had any protein today."
Roommate: "You know if you don't lift weights that stuff makes you retain fat."
Me: (I hesitate.. topics like this are always very sensitive with me) "Well, whatever. A calorie is a calorie."
Roommate: "No, not really.. I've talked to lots of doctors and trainers and everything about it. You can actually have mine. I don't want it anymore" (points to her container of cookies 'n cream whey)
Me: "Why don't you want it?"
Roommate: "Because it makes you fat! I just said that."

My pandora was playing, and luckily one of my favorite Modest Mouse songs came on and I just zoned out by singing while continuing to clean up.
After a few seconds of her watching me, she said she had to go and I waved goodbye.

It's not just the words she spoke, but the way that she said it that made my skin crawl. She spoke to me as if I am voluntarily making myself fat and SHE knows better than to eat that stuff, so ha!

I am so very close to being completely recovered from all of my eating disorders, it is crazy. But hearing shit like this still sets something off in me.
I went to my room and googled something like, "Does whey protein make you retain fat if you are not working out?"

Mostly I got 'yahoo answers' responses, but from what I gathered it doesn't make you gain weight or fat any more than any other food would. It's basically pure protein, so it is a supplement for your diet if you don't get enough..

I guess the point of this post is that I am freaking tired of hearing things like this.
Why is our society so hell-bent on being the thinnest/losing the most weight/looking the best?
Honestly, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and I weigh more than I have ever weighed.
Taken just now! This is what I look like now. Blonde/pink hair. :P
Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, geesh.. you have let yourself go.
But then I remember how far I have come and where I am headed.. I remember the seemingly-eternal hell that I went through in order to make myself 'skinny' and 'fast'.
I just want to let anyone that is struggling with an eating disorder to know that there is such a better life out there for you after recovery, a life of happiness, wholeness, joy. 
I didn't feel anything when I was anorexic.. or when I was really deep in binge eating disorder, really. And who wants to live their life as a numb shell of the person they could be?

It's just that I am so tired of people telling me what I can and cannot do, what I can and cannot eat, etc..
We shouldn't place rules on food.  Food is fuel. And more than that, it is something to savor, taste, love.

I'm done ranting. I know this was all over the place. I am not even going to reread or edit this post. I am just so done with it all.

I'll be writing a more up-to-date/less bitchy post sometime in the near future.

Sending you all my love,


  1. Ouch, what a terrible thing to say to someone. I'm super sensitive to comments about my eating habits, so I definitely hear ya on that one. And for the record, I'm pretty sure you're right—protein powder doesn't make you "retain fat" or anything silly like that. It just has calories like any other food. So glad to hear that you're happy and healthy!

  2. You're the best role model in this whole blog world for anyone struggling. I'm always in awe of your ability to find your own way. All I am hearing is that you are in the happiest place yet, so keep up what you're doing! These kinds of annoyances are temporary

  3. So sorry your roomie said that to you *hugs*. I'm sure she didn't intentionally hurt your feelings but it really would for someone who is trying to recover from an ED. I've always heard excess calories are what cause weight gain, not a particular macronutrient like fat, protein, carbs... plus when you think about it, protein has the same amount of calories per gram as a carb does, your body just uses it differently.

    I think it's great that you used it in your smoothie to get your protein in for the day :). At least it shows that you know your body and you're doing what's best for it regardless of what others say.

  4. First, what she said isn't true, and sorry but she's not doing the research if she believes that. As you know, it's much more about the general amount and quality of the food that counts. Second, good for you for doing what's right for you. I agree with those who have said what a fantastic role model you are! It's great that you can recognize when what someone says affects you, but it's even better that you can address it and keep moving in a healthy direction. Bravo!

  5. Oh Haley, embrace food girl! Your smoothie for your dinner was perfectly fine and the protein was necessary! Bleh, I highly dislike when people try and force their nutritional "knowledge," which ends up being a crock of poo, on others. Like others said, everything in excess can be stored as fat. Just tell her to take her nutritional knowledge elsewhere and you don't want to hear about it. :) Love you and you're in charge of YOU!

  6. Haley, Rach from instagram here. Lovely post - it's a saturday night and Im just about to get tucked into your blog with a nice cup of tea.

    Im currently living in a share house with a girl recovered from BED (amazing for her to come into my life) and another girl who is obsessive compulsive about exercise and healthy eating. She is an 'Orthorexic', in that she can't eat anything that isn't considered healthy. Can't eat out. Constantly buying new food and finding the latest healthy recipe. She has lost her period and is quite thin and goes to the gym every day and counts calories. She isn't happy and all she wants to talk about is the good and bad things about certain foods. She's also a nurse so she puts it into terms about how its going to effect your health. It is really triggering for me, especially if Im coming off binges and already feeling so much shame about that.

    People. Households. Can't control them sometimes! I think its just a matter of speaking up if it continues....