Friday, December 2, 2011

Less than perfect

Last night one of my roommates approached me after our 'house meeting' and asked if we could speak one on one.. We talk frequently, so I wasn't sure what it was about; I said sure.
She took me aside and began with, "Haley.. I just want to let you know that you mean so much to me and everyone else who lives here, and I have been wanting to tell you this for a long time.. I want you to know that you are so much more than a runner. You are more than a straight A student, an athlete, etc.. You are a child of God, and you will always be perfect in His eyes." 
Of course I am summarizing, but I do remember one quote word for word: "Haley, I will love you whether you go out and run 20 miles or if you decide to sit your butt on the couch all day."

I didn't realize how much that would mean to me.. I always feel like I am expected to be this amazing RUNNER/leader/student/daughter/girlfriend.. and I know that no one really expects me to be perfect.. but it's hard when I am surrounded by so many that only look at me as a runner and nothing more.

*Disclaimer: I seriously do love running again.. I want to run. I do love being known as a runner. Sometimes I feel like that is all some people see me as, though, and that is only one part of me.*

I have so many quirks and annoying habits, and my personality can be quite obnoxious when I'm super hyper/happy/crazy.. but I love who I am.. I SHOULD love who I am.

I am perfect, perfectly flawed.

I am so very tired of comparing myself to sick girls on my team.. or anyone whose only thoughts and goals in life are running.. comparing myself to people who put their entire life on facebook for the world to see and envy.. comparing myself to women in magazines or on tv I'm sure we all wish we could look like, dress like, act like, be loved like..

Not going to lie though, I am still struggling. I am bigger than I want to be. I am not running like I want to be *injured*. I am not strong enough in my faith like I want to be. I am not PERFECT like I want to be.

But I am working on everything, and I am a work in progress..
One of my favorite artists is P!nk..
Tonight I decided to listen to her song and the watch the music video, "F***in' perfect" Click to watch > Music video.

It just makes me sad knowing that the girl in the video sees herself in such a negative light, when the rest of the world and especially God knows that she has so much more going for her.

Last night my roommate and I ended up discussing my body image issues, and she mentioned her own issues, "What, you don't think I look in the mirror every day and hate what I see?" 
You see, my roommate is overweight.. I'm not trying to be mean here, but I need to say it in order to get the story across..
When she said that, my heart literally hurt.. I know she is big and all, but she is always so confident and happy, and she is truly such a beautiful person.. It hurts me to think that she would associate herself with any sort of hatred.

So if it hurts us to know that others are so harsh on themselves then why are WE?

We should treat ourselves with more respect, love, and tolerance. We deserve that.
I hope everyone reading this will be inspired to embrace your imperfections and begin to love them or change those habits, quirks, actions if they bother you so much.. But don't change who you are. Be true to yourself.

I hope this blog post reminds you all that EVERYONE is struggling. You are not alone. You do not have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. No need to strive for your own version of perfection because, honestly, you will never get there. No one can.
But you can be the best that you can be, the most beautiful you, by treating yourself and others with more love than you ever have before.

So much love,
<3 Haley


  1. Brought tears to my eyes, so eloquently written.

    1 Corinthians 6:20
    For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

    *listen to this song*

  2. Thanks for writing this! It was a great reminder! I still struggle a lot with comparing myself to other girls. I have to pray every day that God would help me to see myself through His eyes. I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made. He sees me as perfect because I am covered with Christ's blood! I love you so much and really appreciate your honesty! I have had to learn through my injury that I am much more than a runner and that my life is not defined by running. There are more important things in life that last much longer than running does!

  3. This is an amazing post and a great reminder... I think a lot of us always think we are the only ones struggling with these issues and everyone else looks so happy and confident. Insecurities can be a beast and really bring you down - like you said, you just have to keep being 'the most beautiful you'

  4. I just have to add... I've listened to Pink's song a several times and just watched the actual video - tears in my eyes from it.

  5. Beautiful post! Everybody does struggle with their body image ... well not everybody, but most of people...regardless their body size.

    When I was younger; I used to believe that it was just sick ED women/girls/men/boys who really hated their bodies then I got older and realized um that was not true. Bigger & normal sized people did struggle with their body image as well.

    Missed reading your posts!


    PS: You are so stinkin' cute, do you know that?

  6. Running is a huge passion in your life, and any *normal* person would struggle with being injured.
    And I guess it is part of your daily routine and that is now being shifted.
    I think through all this you need to hold on so tight to what your friends and those who love you feel towards you :) <3

  7. What a beautiful post! You're very lucky to have such caring, sweet roommates who you can truly talk to and be yourself around!

  8. So lovely Haley....I really wish I could just sit down and have tea with you sometime because I think we'd be great friends :) much love to you!

  9. this is beautiful. it touched me ;)

  10. Good post! Everyone should love themselves as they are, because what does it matter, in the grand scheme of things, if you're 120 pounds or if you're 160 pounds? Big whoop. It's more important to leave a mark on the world by helping others and making a difference - not wasting hours and hours working out and planning low-cal meals!

  11. this lead me into work. fail :/ lol
    but you are inspiring me a lot in many ways Haley.
    We all want something that we do not have and that's why we try different things, bring some changes in lives, and be able to enjoy the lives.
    it is great and important to set a goal, but how to get there, the process of it is much important and get you grow up i think.

    thank you Haley to let me realize these important things again!

    Megumi :)

  12. Wow Hayley, this was a wonderful post. I loved how you said that everyone struggles. This is completely true! I find myself feeling that I can't relate to anyone else who is not in treatment for an ed because I never feel like "regular people" have struggles like I do. But they do...people have their own issues and deal with them in their own ways and everyone must deal with the pain of figuring out exactly who they are and where they belong in this life. Thank you for reminding me of this. I am so proud of your strength and determination!

  13. This is such a great post Hayley! You write it all so well. I have felt exactly how you feel before. We don't have enough time to try and be perfect. It's useless - we miss out on living! What's there deep down inside is what matter, and like your roommate said, you are already perfect in His eyes. Stay strong!!