Business or pleasure?

Something that has been very frustrating to me lately is the fact that I am both an SEC college Division 1 runner as well as a recovering anorexic. These two things don't necessarily go hand in hand in terms of recovery. I've been reading lots of other's blogs on beating ED, and it seems that many are weary of exercising in fear that it is the eating disorder that craves it. Sometimes I feel this way, too.
Ok, do NOT get me wrong. I love running. And I'm good at it. I've been doing it since 6th grade, and I do not want to stop now. It's addicting, and I feel like it's healthy for me. It's what I do.
However, sometimes my winter training schedule may say 6 miles in the morning and 4 miles in the afternoon. Like today. Usually I'm fine with this. But today I feel like it's my eating disorder that wants to run and not ME. It wants to burn the calories, to lose the weight.

So, do I do it?
If I do, part of me feels like I'm giving in to these demon monster.
If I don't, how am I going to get any better at running? And why would I give up something I love just because my ED is trying to get in the way?

Grr.. it's like, as soon as I find myself getting better, ED comes and bites me in the butt.
Well guess what? I'm not listening. I hate you anorexia. I HATE you.
Blah.
Feels good to get that off my chest..

Anywayyy, last night my boyfriend Connor and I watched Food, Inc., the documentary exposing the food industry for what it really is: disgusting and evil.
Even though I pretty much already knew everything discussed, watching stuff like this makes me want to be a vegetarian even more. I've been really interested in it since sophomore year of high school when I first became informed of all the unsanitary things that go on with our food, especially the meat industry.
I already tend to stay away from pork and beef. But chicken is one of my main sources of protein, along with turkey or ham on my sandwiches.
If I could, I would totally love getting rid of meat in my diet. If I wasn't a runner, definitely. If I wasn't a recovering anorexic, even moreso!
But it's hard to get the right amount of nutrients my body needs without being a meat eater. I know many people do it, but it does take a good bit more time, money, and adjustments made in order to meet this new diet. I don't know if I can do it quite yet while remaining healthy.

If I was to be a vegetarian though, I would still eat fish. I haven't seen or heard too much on the cruelty and unsanitary conditions in which fish are captured, killed, and cleaned. Then again, I haven't looked too much.

Ok so yea, this is a random post. Now it's game time to decide whether or not to run. Whether or not to eat meat. Whether to give into anorexia or conquer it.
Wish me luck.
-Haley