Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Hump day!

Ok so I first titled this post, "I had been thinking it was Wednesday all day..." until I realized that I had been right.. It is Wednesday. For some reason around 6:00 tonight I started thinking it was Tuesday..
Ha, ok, we get it. I'm strange :P

Anyway, I went to see Kelly *nutritionist* today. Weight? 113.4. I believe that is maybe .2 less than last week?
I also had a little bit more clothing on than last time. However, one thing that has really improved between last week and this week is my attitude! 

I'm determined to beat this stupid ED.
Last night Conrad and I went out for froyo. They had Reese's peanut butter cup flavor. Umm, yes please!
I should have taken a picture, but I didn't :/ Sorry!
I had mostly Reese's flavor, but I also had the Bubble Gum & White Chocolate Mousse twist and the State Strawberry & Cheesecake twist. It was so good!

The last time I went out for frozen yogurt with Connor I ended up eating maybe less than an ounce. I had a whole two or so spoonfuls TOTAL!
This time I was hungry after dinner. I didn't let ED come on my late night date with my boyfriend, and boy did I eat!
13.3 ounces of frozen yogurt. In my cup alone! Ha, Connor got 10 ounces.
That's almost 350 calories of froyo. Calories? Who's counting? Not me :)

We ate it at home and I had some pretzels with it. Afterwards I was still a little hungry, so I had a greek yogurt. Apparently I hadn't gotten enough dairy? :P
Usually I would be really upset at this point. I hate when I've just finished eating and my stomach still grumbles. Ya know?
But apparently I need more. I'm trying to listen to my body.

So Kelly wasn't upset with me at all this morning. I told her how I was sick this past weekend, so it was kinda hard to eat considering I didn't have much of an appetite. She was understanding, and she's happy with the new Kick-ED-butt mentality I have at the moment.

Confession: I bought this Walden Farms Calorie Free Pancake Syrup at the store yesterday when I was picking up a bag of spinach. I put some in my oatmeal this morning, and tonight I dipped my cinnamon dusted sweet potatoes in it and mixed it with a bit of greek yogurt. It was yum.
Anyway, I guess I shouldn't be doing all of this low-cal, cal-free stuff that I do. Should I feel bad about buying this?
It's actually pretty good! Very sweet.
For example, before my workout today I was gonna grab a drink and I had a Powerade Zero sitting next to a G2. I grab the Powerade Zero.. Why are those 45 calories so scary? I've found that it's only certain foods/drinks at certain times of the day that scare me.. However, liquid calories have always been a no-no for me.

As for running, today we had a time trial workout to see who would make the travel squad for the distance girls team. I have already hit the time, so Coach had me pace the other girls. It was a relaxed and good run. Three out of five of the other girls hit the standard (10:30 for 3000meters). I'm proud of them!

Another side note: my pushups are getting so much better! I'm excited to keep fueling my body. Hopefully I'll gain some good muscle :)

Thank you all for the sweet comments on my last blog! I hope you have a good night :)
<3 Haley

P.s. After writing all this I added up my daily calories and I'm at 1550 :( Ughh, sometimes it is so hard to get to that 2500 calorie goal.
Any tips?
Here's my day:

Oatmeal- in my meeting with Kelly @8:20 A.M.
Apple @9:45
French Toast bagel +low-fat cream cheese @ 10:25 (in class)
Cals: 470

Sandwich with ham, tons of veggies, swiss cheese. *There's a picture of my monstrous creation in this post.*
Carrots, celery, hummus
1/2 serving of Multigrain Cheddar Crisps
*These three were all together for lunch, @1:30 P.M.

Post Workout Bar:
Snickers Marathon Bar @ 5:40- while I was in the ice bath after my workout
Cals: 220

Grilled Cod
Steamed Broccoli and Cauliflower- lots!
Medium/large boiled Sweet Potato (mashed) with maple syrup, cinnamon, greek yogurt
*all eaten around 7:45, except I originally only put half of the sweet potato on my plate, so I went downstairs and got the rest a few minutes later- I was still hungry!
Cals: 390

P.s. Sometimes I round/guesstimate calories because I have no actual way of knowing. But I'm usually pretty close.

Ok, so any tips would be helpful I guess.. Apparently I'm doing something wrong. :P
Again, I hope everyone is having a great week!
<3 Haley


  1. I'm a fro yo junkie. Who isn't? I'm proud of you for allowing yourself to listen to your body and it's hunger cues, and not getting upset at it for doing it's job!

    Here's one really good reason to get yourself not interested in the calorie free Walden Farm products: They...can make you fart. Really, really dangerously stealthy stinky ones. Hahahaha. It's true though...

    I'm sure you've heard this before, but an easy way to hit a higher calorie mark is nut butters, if you like them. I eat at least 600 calories in almond butter almost every day! One of my favorite ways to eat it actually is with frozen yogurt. I dip my spoon in the nut butter before digging in to the yogurt.

    I also think granola is an easy way to get some fairly healthy calories in you. Or with all of your veggies, dip in some full-fat salad dressing or hummus. However, if these are foods you aren't yet comfortable with yet, that is a whole different battle.

    Way to be a leader for your running teammates! And thank you for the running shoe tips.

  2. Love your attitude and I'm glad you're feeling better. Keep fighting!

    It IS hard to get calories in sometimes. I agree with Roserunner about the nut butters and the granola. Add some peanut butter on your fruit or if you normally make your oatmeal with water, add milk. Also my nutritionist insisted that I always have full fat dairy products when I was trying to gain weight. It was SCARY, but it does add calories without having to eat more volume. Oh and I always have dessert, even to this day! ;)

    You are doing great! I know you can win this!

  3. I just wanted to say how much I love your hair! Mine is naturally wavy but not anywhere near yours, I definitely have to curl it to get it to look like that!

    I love froyo too and all the flavors you said sound so yummy! And that's so awesome that you ate it without giving in to ED. Yay!

    Maybe you can add in more snacks throughout the day so you don't feel like you're stuffing yourself at meals. For me I've found that I do better if I eat 5 meals a day instead of 3 because then I don't feel sick after a huge meal. Or maybe add a little more onto your dinner?

    I hope you can gain muscle, too :) That's always a good thing to gain!

  4. I wish I had more time to comment and say more but I just wanted to say that I'm so pleased about how your run meet went and that it's so good to read about your change of attitude! I bet Conner is so proud of you :)

    An easy tip to get more cals in is to switch to full-fat ;)


  5. SO happy to hear about your new attitude. Keep it up girlie - you're on the right track.

  6. You're doing great!!! Way to go!

  7. I agree with Katy, it is in the little things.
    Like adding and switching to full fat.
    I think it is positive you cannot fully know your intake.
    I know in the early days I had to have an idea and I guess that is hard because we are trying to let go, but we also need to be able to make sure we are getting enough.
    Something I did, and do even now, though I am recovered, is to have Ensures.
    If I am particularly busy and although eating well, sometimes my body needs more.
    By adding in something like Ensure, it gives you that extra boost without having to overly focus on food.
    That said, adding more to your meals is a way forward or having more snacks.
    I think adding in a couple more snacks are a start xxxx

  8. You're doing really well Haley! I love your attitude towards giving your body what it needs. That fro-yo sounds so good, I'm so proud of you for having some!
    A way to increase your calorie intake may just be bulking up the things that you already eat. If you can find a way to add some calories to food that you enjoy, ie. nut butter in yogurt, it may not be so scary.
    As for your question as to whether buying no-calorie of low-calorie products is bad, personally I think not. I believe that is natural, as a part of recovery, to buy reduced calorie products first, than eventually work your way up to trying the real deal.
    Baby steps(:
    Keep up fighting ED!
    <3 Emma

  9. I'm diggin' this attitude Haley! I'm diggin' your yogurt choices, your cooking skills, your hair, and your smile! I catch myself buying low calorie drinks ALL the time. I just can't seem to grasp the idea of drinking my calories when I already struggle with eating them. I think it's a natural part of recovery though. It's just one of those items that haven't come back into our lives yet [calorie drinks] Maybe I can work on that for a goal :)



  10. good job on the froyo!!! i wish i could eat it, cause i love it, but my lactose intolerance is a butthead.

    and i love the attitude!! keep it up!!!

    Here are my suggestions for your meals to help up the cals:

    add pb to the oats. and to the apple. eat a full serving on the crackers and have some hummus with them. add cheese or more hummus or dressing to the steamed veggies at dinner. drink a regular gatorade, watered down if needed. and cook your cod with olive oil or butter! it makes it taste so much better i'm sure!

    i know these additions might be hard to make, as they were for me in the beginning but you can do it! just keep thinking you're gonna beat this ed!!!

  11. "I'm determined to beat this stupid ED." yyaaayy! Great to hear about your current attitude. Kick that ED's butt.
    I don't have many tips with the upping calorie thing except add peanut butter to stuff. I have peanut butter with sooo many different things: apples, celery, bananas, on toast, pears etc etc.
    Lovely picture, you're really pretty :)

    ps. Totally get you on the liquid cal thing - I still struggle with it. But tonight I might challenge myself with a non diet hot chocolate, something I haven't had in a while.

  12. Ohh I've just thought of another - maybe buy a pack of mini bite goodies, or a pack of mixed nuts to munch on through the day.

  13. Hey girl,
    I just came across your blog and am loving it! Also here working toward ED recovery, and I love hearing your positive attitude - so inspiring!!
    I have a lot of the same fears, like liquid calories and some of those fat free/low cal foods that my ED draws me toward. It's hard for me to hit the mark with calories too, so I don't want to sound hypocritical, but def a good way to get calories in would be go for things like the full-fat cream cheese, cooking with healthy oils, nut butters in oatmeal, nuts for snacking, cheese on a sandwich, or things like that - you don't feel like you're eating any more volume, but it adds calories. I know it's something I need to work on too. I get to the end of the day, always worried about going "over" but obvi never do... so hopefully we can support/help each other! Keep up the amazing work and positive attitude!!
    <3 S

  14. Hi Haley!
    I just found your blog. I'm also in recovery for my eating disorder, and it's really good to hear about how determined you are to beat yours. I'm in the same mindset :)
    Sorry if this comment ends up super long, I had a lot to say.
    Here's my opinion about low-cal stuff: push yourself to do what's uncomfortable. It's okay to have low cal sometimes, but avoiding food out of fear (like if you couldn't bring yourself to eat real syrup) isn't good, so I'm trying to challenge myself as much as possible to have "real" foods. If it's hard to eat the "real" foods, I think that means there's something disordered about buying them. But I also know that you can't be expected to switch from low-cal to "real" foods in a day, either. Maybe try to have one of the really scary food every week.
    As for coming in under calorie goals, I've found that two things help me with that: 1) I try to have a certain amount of calories by a certain time of day, so I don't just end up totalling everything at the end of the day. 2) If I do end up at night finding out I'm way under, I try to challenge myself to a food I really enjoy which is high in calories, like having a few scoops of ice cream.
    Hope this helped!

  15. hey Haley, i've been a lurker on your blog for awhile, really enjoy reading it! just de-lurking to ask if everything's alright? you haven't posted in a really long time!