But tonight, upon reading an email from one very sweet follower, these words resonated through my head: "Beautifully broken".
The reader didn't mention either of these words, but the message that she sent made me realize that this is what I am.
My blog is not one that screams recovery, nor is it one that screams eating disorder.. I feel like I'm in the middle. Some days I am doing well, other days, not so much.
But the thing is, I am trying.
I'm not <15% underweight, nor am I obese..
My natural wave of thinking is that I must be one or the other.
I know how illogical that sounds, but sometimes when I see myself all that I see is this overweight cow.
Since 115 pounds is the lowest healthy BMI weight for me, that must be what I should be.
But who says that's the case?
I am an athlete. And obviously I have done well with the weight that I have gained, so that should be proof that there is no need to revert to my old ED tendencies, something that I tend to forget/ignore much too often..
|The man from the Memphis paper took my picture after winning the Firecracker 5k on July 3rd.|
I never imagined why anyone would want to read about my problems/twisted, crazy life, but I see now that it's not because I have everything together..
It's because I admit that I don't have everything together.
My life is messy. I'm not perfect. I am me.
I am broken.
I have gone through hell and back.
But I'm still here.
And my scars have left beauty marks.
Keep fighting. You are worth it.