Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Just ate a cupcake!

Yum. This was to die for. Red velvet is my favorite.

My friend Kelly brought this over yesterday afternoon, and I was really wary of eating it for several reasons..
1. I knew I was going out for pasta last night, and that would be a lot of calories.
2. My best friend Caroline also sent me naughty goodies.
3. I was also supposed to go out for frozen yogurt.
4. Most importantly, I felt as if I would gain 8 pounds if I ate all of this stuff this week.
Caro sent me dark chocolate & Pure Maple Syrup candy. Umm, yum.
p.s. Sorry it reads backwards. These pictures are all from my mac.
But tonight after I ate dinner, and I was like, hey.. I want that cupcake. And I was hungry, so hey..
No, I didn't eat it while standing over the kitchen sink. *Something I typically do when in binge mode*
I heated it up until the frosting was almost melted, placed it on a plate, grabbed a fork, and brought it up to my room to enjoy while reading fellow blogger's posts :) It was delish.

Last night was fun. Connor came over to take me out to dinner, and we ordered two separate pastas and each had half like always :) We also had bread that we dipped in the olive oil they set before us. So yummy. Pasta is definitely one of my favorite meals.
We didn't end up going out for frozen yogurt cuz we were both stuffed after dinner, but we're supposed to go tomorrow night. I'm excited for that. They have my favorite flavor in right now: Birthday Cake!
I just wish they had Peanut Butter. Ugh, that is also a fave. I'm a self-proclaimed Peanut Butter Queen, so of course I love the Froyo :)
We did watch the movie Easy A before falling asleep around 10:30. It was really funny and cute. I'm also glad I got to bed at a decent hour, something I haven't been doing much of lately!

As for today, I had an appointment with my therapist at 1:00. Of course I'm ten minutes late, and I'm told that we may have to reschedule because she probably moved on to her next appointment. I was really upset. It ruined my plans for the day. :/ But luckily, she was able to see me!
The first thing she said to me was something about how good I'm looking. I'm looking healthy; I have color in my face; I look happy. Yay for ED butt-kicking compliments :)
We go on to talk about lots of things.. I tell her about my Christmas eve binge *worst in my life*. Then I tell her that I'm just tired of this relationship with food. It's stupid. Of course she tells me that there are underlying reasons for my obsession with control over food, and that's what therapy is for.
I expressed to her some worries of mine, though, that I wasn't worthy of therapy. I mean, I'm not that bad. I tell her, "I mean, my mom's not drinking right now.. [*****] isn't happening right now" (***=don't want to mention). She says, "You keep saying, 'right now'. And that's what we've got to work on."
So yea, I guess I still do have problems, and even if they're not that great in comparison to some, she does see the need in me coming in and talking with her. Therapy is different and can be uncomfortable at times, but it makes me think.. I like that.

Anyway, other than that I don't have much to say.. I was tempted to keep eating sweets after that cupcake, but I'm glad I picked up the computer instead. If I get hungry later *which I think I already am*, then I'll eat something. If not, I'll just go to bed. My therapist says I need to learn the difference between discipline and control. I had not thought much about these two words and their correlation and differences before, but now it is starting to make sense. I need to learn to let myself eat these sweets without going overboard, while at the same time not looking at it as a control thing. I don't think I worded that to make very much sense, but I get it, and I guess that's all that matters.

Ok, so I will leave you with a picture of the beautiful jewelry box my sweet boyfriend got me for my birthday along with the book that his mom sent me. *I've never mentioned Mrs. Terri, Connor's mom, on here before, but she is my rock. She is such a sweet lady, and she loves and cares for me so much. I don't know what I'd do without her and her family.*
I got lots of jewelry over Christmas, and I've had nowhere to put it, so this was the perfect gift. :)
I'm beyond excited to read this book.
I hope you all have a good night! Thank you for all of the birthday wishes and comments. They are so sweet and keep me going. :)
<3 Haley


  1. SOOOO proud of you for eating that cupcake, Haley! It must have taken so much courage but I'm so glad that you ate it and you didn't carry on eating sweets afterwards. Now that sounds definitely more like YOU being in control ;)

    Pasta is one of my favourite foods too. ED or not, I have always loved it. Italian food is amazing when all you want is carbs :P

    P.s. the cookies on my last post were made from scratch by yours truly ;)


  2. Yayy! Good for you for eating that cupcake AND being in control of it :) Peanut butter froyo sounds delicious! Happy belated birthday :)

  3. Yay! It's so good to see you beating your disordered thinking. Control is good...recovery is all about finding that balance. Good for you!

    Peanut butter froyo? When did I become allergic to nuts??? It sounds so good!

    Your boyfriend is so sweet...you guys are so cute together! =)

    Stay strong!

  4. i'm so glad you had a great birthday. i bet that cupcake was awesome. that was really sweet of kell. i wanted to go to local culture and i was waiting for connor to text me. haha. anyway, hope you have a fabulous day and if you need someone to keep you accountable in real life, hey, you know where i am.

    love you through the good and the bad,

  5. I'm so happy you were able to enjoy your food without going overboard. All of it sounds absolutely delicious. Keep up the good work!

  6. Congratulations on eating that cupcake. And the pasta, and froyo. It's great that you were able to just enjoy your food.

    Peanut butter is my favorite food ever, so peanut butter froyo? Yes please!

    Happy belated birthday by the way. The jewelry box is really pretty.