Saturday, February 26, 2011

Time to get on track :P

*Note: I wrote this around 3:30 today but am just now getting around to posting it at 9:40 because I didn't have internet access!*
Also, yes I know the title is cheesy. But I think it's funny in an obvious, dorky way :)

It’s been far too long. I’m currently in the bleachers of the University of Arkansas indoor track stadium for the Indoor Track & Field SEC Championships. And I’m bored. ha
I have about thirty minutes til one of my teammates compete.We left to come here on Thursday morning, and we leave tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon. I race tomorrow at 2:55 P.M. Wish me luck!
My view from the stands. Ignore the puke orange in front of me ;) haha jk..
Anyway, I guess I’ll begin by discussing my nutritionist appointment with Kelly on Wednesday. I stepped on the scale like usual and wasn’t really surprised to see that my weight was 113.4. I mean I think that’s about the same weight as last week. But like Kelly said, I was wearing more clothes this week, and I also wasn’t filled up on water.
We looked at my food log, and my daily calorie intake ranged from 1200-1750. 1200? Really? Not good.. This was on Sunday, the day that Connor and I took that picnic and I told him I’d really try to beat this. And I did eat better that night, but because of that morning’s low cal intake, it screwed up the whole day :/
Anyway, I’ve been doing better except Wednesday night.. What did I do? Yep, I binged. Grr.. Honestly though, I think it was a sign. Kinda like, wake up Haley. This cycle isn’t going to end unless you REALLY TRY. You are the only one that has the power to do this. Ya know?
It’s also probably a good thing that I overate that night, too (as much as I hate it) because on Thursday, the day we left for the trip, I got on the bus that morning with oatmeal in hand but no hunger in my tummy. 
I felt AWFUL. Sick as a dog. :(
Random place to insert this picture, but this is a sign of a true runner. I can run through sickness AND blood ;)
Conrad had the sickness, as did many of my teammates, so I guess it was just a matter of time til the nasty-cold-weak feeling came over me, as well.
Luckily, our team had the sleeper bus, which is this really nice Mississippi State coach bus that has tables and couches that fold into beds. I ended up sleeping for 5 hours until my teammates woke me up to tell me it was time for lunch. We stopped at some rinky-dink mall that had a total of 3 places to eat. Sbarro’s, Chick-fil-A, and some other sub place which I forget the name of. Ha, well I ended up choosing the sub place just to get something different. I ordered the grilled chicken salad since I saw that they had banana peppers, cucumber, carrots, onion, and tomato as toppings. Much better than the Chick-Fil-A salad toppings. Did I mention how much I LOVE banana peppers? :)
I then proceeded to sleep the rest of the bus ride back. Another 3ish hours. That’s 8 hours of sleep. On top of what I got the night before!
Thursday we went to the track and I had a really short, speed-oriented workout just to get my legs going since I have my race on Sunday. We did some 400’s at 5k pace and then 200’s at 3k pace & mile pace. Man, I felt so weak!
First of all, the only thing I had to eat prior to this was a couple bites of the oatmeal before I passed out and then a salad for lunch. Also, the sickness was definitely taking it’s toll on me. 
Then the funniest thing happened. We went to Wal-Mart, as a team. We had 30 minutes to go in and out and buy all of the food/groceries that we would need for the rest of the weekend. It was like a stampede of maroon and white. We are always given meal money for these out of town trips, the amount depending on how many days we’re gone. So we spent that money on an array of items at the legendary superstore rather than at restaurants like usual. All in all, I should put back a good little bit of money from this trip!
Some of my goodies! The Kroger brand honey braided twists are from home. I just love these, so I thought I'd slip 'em in the pic of yummy food. :)
So the Wal-Mart in Fayetteville is so much better than the one in Starkville.
I got 100 calorie almond packs (both natural and roasted dark chocolate) *really excited me!* :), french toast bagels, sandwich supplies, individual reduced fat cream cheese cups, carrots, Greek yogurt, Sweet Bar-B-Q Potato Straws, gum, individual packs of PB&Co Smooth Operator & Dark Chocolate Dreams pbs, and sweet potatoes, of course :).
Me being me, I already had some food packed. So this was all supplementary. Oh boy. Why do I always do this when I grocery shop? :P
I should also mention that our hotel rooms are huge. I have a room to myself, too, which is kinda weird. It has a fridge, microwave, freezer, toaster, dishwasher, stove, utensils, plates & stuff, and like everything one needs to live. I literally moved in, ha.
Anyway, I haven’t binged since Wednesday night. Thursday I was obviously low on food intake considering I was sick. Yesterday I felt much better, but I still ended up being under.. And today it’s not looking too promising that I’m gonna reach this 2500 calorie goal. I was looking back at my food log from last semester, when I was CONSISTENTLY hitting 2300-2700, and it seemed so much easier then. 

Why is it sometimes hard to eat Cliff bars now? And all of a sudden a FiberOne or Luna or Lara Bar seems like it contains SO MANY calories. Who cares? I run all the time, plus they're all healthy.. and I LOVE them!
P.s. Why have I never seen this flavor before? Yum! I must try..
I talked to my friend Maria on the phone today and we were discussing the fact that FOOD IS FUEL. Food is not evil; it’s not something to be feared.
*I closed my laptop after writing this to watch some races, and ate a bagel thin with pb on one side, cream cheese on the other. Hey, it's progress! Before I was telling myself that I could wait til dinner to eat.. One of my major problems: putting far too much space between meals/snacks.*
My dad’s here today to watch the meet and he keeps reading over my shoulder asking what I’m writing. I finally responded that this is my blog, and he’s like, “Oh, so now I’m gonna have to read all about your life online?.. You know that once you put something on there it never goes away!” blahblahblah. I really hope he doesn’t start reading this. I love my dad, but I get really uneasy when it comes to me, him, and food. He teased me as I hit puberty and started to grow hips, constantly saying things like, “Watch it with that peanut butter big girl!” as he laughs. I know he’s *mostly* just kidding, but it still hurts. And those comments have stayed with me. One good thing is that he went to Wal-Mart upon reaching Fayetteville and asked if I needed anything. He picked me up a black headband (I need it to race.. I know, I’m weird) and a jar of MaraNatha Dark Chocolate Almond Butter that I had been eyeing on my previous visit but decided against buying. It’s expensive, plus how am I supposed to fit all of this stuff in my bag for the trip home? ha! Oh, and he also bought me The Bees Knees by PB&Co. Scrumptious.
I finally got him to smile. I swear this was take 5. "I don't smile!" My reply: "Just do it this once!" :P
Dad just looked down at my word count (since I’m writing this on Pages rather than on the blog website-no internet in the stadium), and he said, “No one wants to read 1100 words!" Ha, he’s right. I need to stop writing.
I have more to say about a few things on my mind, but maybe I’ll blog later tonight or tomorrow. Who knows. And if people read this, they read it. If they don’t, they don’t!
It’s for me, and that’s all that matters. I always feel better after blogging :)
P.s. Just ate a Fiberone Bar!
I hope you’re all doing well and having a great weekend!
Dad and I may go out for pasta tonight at this place beside the track. Otherwise I’m gonna make a sandwich and maybe boil a sweet potato or something.
<3 Haley

P.s. Random pictures of a dinner I cooked earlier this week!
Grilled chicken (It didn't taste at all burnt, but it kinda looks it in this picture :P).
Sauteed asparagus, onions, garlic, and mushrooms in couscous. And sweet potato bites w/ cinnamon.
P.p.s. This was the first time I have ever made/tried couscous! Me gusta!
The grilled chicken and veggies with couscous actually filled me up, so I had to save the sweet potatoes for another day!
I'm sure it's more than fine that I missed my daily dose of this one, though. ;)


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  2. well,for what it's worth, i'm really happy to read your 1100 words! i love your posts,i really do :)

  3. Cous cous is delicious, isn't it?!?! It was the one food that I would eat all the time when I first started recovery. That and muffins haha.

    GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW!! I'm sure you'll kill it. Make sure you fuel yourself properly because you don't want to let yourself down just because you gave in to your eating disorder. You must use so much energy from running that I can't even begin to imagine what your body must go through when it's not being fed...I hope you don't end up with the same injuries as me Haley...I won't be able to run for a very long time due to me messing up my hips...PLEASE don't make the same mistake!!!

    You look so cute with your daddy :)


  4. I love reading your posts Haley! And you are absolutely right, you are writing for yourself, not to please anyone else!

    Good luck today! I'm sure you'll do excellent. I know that you know this, but I have to second Katy and say don't be afraid of getting the fuel you need. You don't want to have to stop running. I pushed myself too hard, and as a result I won't be able to run for a long time.

    Anyway, I don't mean to lecture you. Mmmm I love sweet potatoes and couscous. I just cooked with couscous for the first time too!

    Have a great week, okay? Hugs! Keep smiling.

  5. I am happy that you are chugging along and trying your best even though your weight is still on the low side.

    My weight is on the low side too, but I am really trying....because I want to get better, you know.

    I undrestand what you mean by your dad's comment. My dad is the same way. He would say stuff that makes me feel bad because it is not what I really need to hear. He would tell me to "take it easy or I will gain weight and not fit in the wedding dress". I hate that. I need to tell him to cool it down.

    I have to third what Liz and Katy told keep on eating and make sure you have enough nutrition in your body to run. I know because I used to be in that boat when I was a swimmer.

    Hugs! Have a great day :D

  6. good luck on your race today lady! i'm sure you're going to do great!!! and keep your head up for that 2500 cals, i know you can do it! food is FUEL!! Gotta keep it up for that running!!!

  7. I love the pic of you and your dad :)

    I've seen that flavor of Clif bars before but I've never tried it. I'm definitely going to check it out! Your food looks so yummy, by the way. And I love those chocolate roasted almonds!

    Good luck with your race today! You need the fuel, so don't be afraid to eat :)

  8. Who's the runner!? You're the runner! Haley you are going to rock this race today! Make sure you fuel up though, you'll need all that energy to give you the best potential for winning. Fueling yourself for this race is a big stab at your E.D, It is NOT going to get in between you and your GOALS and TALENTS!!! P.S Will you be my personal Chef? You're cooking looks splendid and I am definitely in need of some Couscous cooking lessons. I am so proud of you and it has been truly inspiring to read your posts and watch the attitude in your voice change as you've battled this E.D. Your perseverance is contagious. :) <3 <3 Run hard free bird, run hard.

  9. Aww, Haley, you and your dad are so cute! And you look beautiful in all of those pictures. Absolutely stunning!
    I think have tasted every flavor of PB&Co, and they ROCK. Sadly the honey flavor was a little off for me. If you ever make it to NYC, let me know. We'll go to PB&Co for lunch!

    I'm sorry you were struggling with the binge/restricting. But everyone is right. Food is nothing more than fuel for mental and emotional energy. It is not evil or dangerous. With your exercise, you really must replace what you burn. There's a balance to this that you've gotta find. But you are strong, and I know you will.

    And the maple clif bars are delicious! The nut pieces are pecan I think, and it is so good with the maple!