Monday, April 25, 2011


Yes, I have binged since my last post.

Honestly it seems like it's become this horrible compulsion. I can't even explain it.

The worst part is the disgust I feel with myself for so long after a binge.. :/
Plus I'm getting fat. Doesn't make things any better..

I'm seeing Dr. Tatum tonight. Maybe she can help. I hope so.

Anyway, I feel like it will all work out, eventually. I hope so, anyway. I'm trying to remain positive.



  1. Remember, ED journey is not a clean straight line to becoming recovered.

    There will be mistakes. There will be bumps. There will be potholes. There will be obstacles. The best thing you can do is exactly what you did....admitting that you binged, and reaching out for help.

    Find out why you binged. What triggered you? What were you feeling at that time? I find those questions helpful especially when I find myself wanting to hurt myself and it puts me in a moment of clarity and make a better choice.

    Nonetheless, I am proud of you for reaching out and asking for help. I am thinking of you, Haley! *HUGS*

  2. You are still learning, Haley, don't worry. A binge doesn't mean you've ruined all of the progress that you've made so far. And you are not "getting fat" you are putting on much needed body mass to help you become healthy again. I like what Ashley above just said. What triggered you to binge, hun? Have you gone over things that you can do when the feeling of a binge is coming on? What calms you? The things my counsellor have told me to do when I'm feeling the need to drink are:
    -talk to a friend (this really helps)
    -Go for a walk
    -listen to music
    -do yoga
    -bake (<--my favourite but might not help for you if you are wanting to binge)

    So figure out what kind of things help for you and practise doing them. It's worth a shot.

    Please don't be too hard on yourself, Haley. You are doing so well. Food is just food. Don't let it have power over you. Easier said that done, I know :)


  3. I am sure you are far from being "fat". I can imagine the disgust you feel though, is hard to cope with. I hope that talking the Dr. will help a little. And I agree with the above, suggestion. See if there's anything you can do to take your mind off of it when you feel a binge coming on. I wouldn't doubt you've tried this already, but I think it could really help!

  4. Haley,

    I am going through he same exact thing as you.. I dont know WHY i binge, or what the meaning behind it is but it is SO frustrating. I haven't told anyone about it yet... But, I should probably see a doctor as well! Please keep updating on your progress!

  5. I loved hearing about all the progress you made in your last post! And even though you are still struggling with bingeing you are doing so so well! Like Katy said, you're still learning and it's nothing to beat yourself up about. I hope your therapy appointment helps you work through your feelings about bingeing and maybe you can find things that are enjoyable to you that will keep you busy and you won't end up bingeing. I'm praying for you, girl!

  6. Honey {{{hugs}}}
    It is like addiction, which explains the compulsion.
    And hopefully your doctor can help with that.
    Are you on any medication?
    That can help with impulsivity...
    Also, you are miniture.
    Tiny tiny...
    And yet, bingeing is not helpful for you.
    But I do wonder if you body is telling you something.
    Like it needs/wants more food, or even needs to be a healthier weight.
    I have seen the shifts in your weight, and maybe the target weight needs lifting.
    Just thoughts xxxx

  7. Haley, I cannot tell you enough how amazing and strong you are.
    You will make it through this.
    Just looking at your last posts I can tell how much progress you've made and this won't go away because of one slip up.
    Mistakes are a part of recovery and you're still on your way.
    It's going to be okay. You have a whole blogging community at your back, your boyfriend, family, friends, and doctors. We're all here for you in your battle against ED which I KNOW you can win.
    Stay strong girl<3

  8. After years of literally day long, weekend long binges I know how you feel, and I know that horrific guilt. Keep persevering with regular healthy eating. I try and wake up in the morning thinking " start, you can do this." And even if I still binge on that day, I try and remember that tomorrow is a new day.

  9. :) My sister, you are making progress. You know it; I know it; God knows it. Sometimes, you have to take a giant step back, look at the bigger picture. And I can't wait to talk to ya later! You have so much promise. So. Much. Promise.

  10. I'm proud of you for trying to stay positive, because it WILL get better!!! You have made so much progress, and I know you're going to kick binging's butt just like you kicked restriction's butt! I think it's really hard in recovery to find a balance between the two extreme forms of eating (I wrote about this in my most recent post), and it takes time, but you'll get there. You are a remarkably strong, determined, and insightful woman and I have no doubt that you will overcome this. Meanwhile- and I know it's not easy- try to have compassion for yourself and not beat yourself up. You are moving forward even when it doesn't necesarily feel like it. Thinking of you! <3