and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Back to bingeing
I thought I was over it, but apparently not..
Back to bingeing.
Sunday night.
Last night.
It seems that I don't handle stress very well.
:(
Haley, Trust me, it's part of the process. I thought it would never end, either!! It took me almost one year (after comitting to recovery) of bingeing on and off until I stopped (and I still have relapses, every once in a while). After beginning intuitive eating and getting much more comfortable with eating everything (b/c NO food is off limits!), I now don't have much desire to binge.
Keep doing what you're doing, and the binges will naturally stop. Your body is learning how to accept food again. Be kind to yourself. :)
Baby girl, this is a process. And as frustrating as that sounds, this takes time. Also, once in recovery, your body learns hunger, and fullness, and then it forgets and then you eat and it gets all excited and wants to eat and eat in case you don't eat again. Biology, psychology, all play a factor.
I don't handle stress that well either, and it affects my recovery as well. But, like everyone else said, it is part of the process. Stuff doesn't just disappear overnight, no matter what it is, except maybe the dark, but it does come back the next night (random). It'll get better.
I know you're frustrated right now, but look at how far you've come! The recovery process will always bring little slip-ups, but it's up to you to turn them around and not let become a habit again. I know you can do it, Haley! You are so amazing!
I'm sure you're upset right now, but take that and turn it around into determination. this is part of the process, just a step to make you realize what to do next time these feelings come up.
On Sunday, I ate aprox. 2800 calories (controlled, not binging), and only ran 3 miles. I felt gross about that at first, but then realized how happy my muscles were to be so nourished on their "easy" running day, and felt great.
It's going to be okay, girl. I know that you may feel guilty for over-eating and it is scary to feel out of control. But just remember, you have been here before, and if you keep moving forward you won't have to be here again. You're so strong, I'm here for you and will be rooting you on in your effort to battle ED. YOU CAN DO IT. <3
Haley, You are going to get through this- I believe in you! <3 Like everyone else has said, recovery is a process- it's normal to have slips, as long as we pick ourselves back up and learn from our slips. Instead of beating yourself up, try to ask yourself "why did I binge, what can I learn from it, and how can I do things differently next time?" I know that's easier said than done, but you've made so much progress and you will continue to move forward! Thinking of you!!!! ~Jess~
Oh Sweetie, binging doesn't make you a failure in anyway. You are going through a slow process where you are trying to turn your life around. Change won't happen overnight. As long as you've learnt something from this binging episode then it won't have been a waste.
I'm sorry for not being able to comment on your posts recently as I've been crazy busy but I just had to comment today. I'm here if you need <3
Haley,
ReplyDeleteTrust me, it's part of the process. I thought it would never end, either!! It took me almost one year (after comitting to recovery) of bingeing on and off until I stopped (and I still have relapses, every once in a while). After beginning intuitive eating and getting much more comfortable with eating everything (b/c NO food is off limits!), I now don't have much desire to binge.
Keep doing what you're doing, and the binges will naturally stop. Your body is learning how to accept food again. Be kind to yourself. :)
Love,
Yasi
Baby girl, this is a process.
ReplyDeleteAnd as frustrating as that sounds, this takes time.
Also, once in recovery, your body learns hunger, and fullness, and then it forgets and then you eat and it gets all excited and wants to eat and eat in case you don't eat again.
Biology, psychology, all play a factor.
Just a giant {{hugs}}
I don't handle stress that well either, and it affects my recovery as well.
ReplyDeleteBut, like everyone else said, it is part of the process. Stuff doesn't just disappear overnight, no matter what it is, except maybe the dark, but it does come back the next night (random). It'll get better.
I know you're frustrated right now, but look at how far you've come! The recovery process will always bring little slip-ups, but it's up to you to turn them around and not let become a habit again. I know you can do it, Haley! You are so amazing!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're upset right now, but take that and turn it around into determination. this is part of the process, just a step to make you realize what to do next time these feelings come up.
ReplyDeleteyou can do this honey. STAY STRONG!!!
Much love hun.
ReplyDeleteOn Sunday, I ate aprox. 2800 calories (controlled, not binging), and only ran 3 miles. I felt gross about that at first, but then realized how happy my muscles were to be so nourished on their "easy" running day, and felt great.
It's all in our heads!
It's going to be okay, girl. I know that you may feel guilty for over-eating and it is scary to feel out of control. But just remember, you have been here before, and if you keep moving forward you won't have to be here again.
ReplyDeleteYou're so strong, I'm here for you and will be rooting you on in your effort to battle ED. YOU CAN DO IT. <3
Haley,
ReplyDeleteYou are going to get through this- I believe in you! <3 Like everyone else has said, recovery is a process- it's normal to have slips, as long as we pick ourselves back up and learn from our slips. Instead of beating yourself up, try to ask yourself "why did I binge, what can I learn from it, and how can I do things differently next time?" I know that's easier said than done, but you've made so much progress and you will continue to move forward!
Thinking of you!!!!
~Jess~
Hang in there
ReplyDeletexoxo
-Lisa
Oh Sweetie, binging doesn't make you a failure in anyway. You are going through a slow process where you are trying to turn your life around. Change won't happen overnight. As long as you've learnt something from this binging episode then it won't have been a waste.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for not being able to comment on your posts recently as I've been crazy busy but I just had to comment today. I'm here if you need <3
xxx