Thursday, April 28, 2011

Olive Garden now posts calories! Eek.

Okay so Philadelphia really is awesome.
Yesterday my teammates Chloe, Renee, and Katie went on a 40 minute run downtown and then on this awesome trail. It was beautiful. 
We didn't finish the run til around 8 P.M. Philly time, so we had to hurry, shower, and eat before bed. Renee, Katie, and I walked around and found an Olive Garden. Endless salad, breadsticks, and yummy pasta? I think yes.
Stolen photo, but this is my fave dish.
Shrimp Caprese- also yummy!
Unfortunately (?) Olive Garden has just added calories to their menu. This made ordering my favorite dish SO much harder. The Gorgonzola Steak Alfredo has 1310 calories. Yep. That's ridiculous. But I remembered what someone wrote me about how she got over bingeing and it was by exercising NO restraint whatsoever when it comes to eating what you want.
So my teammate Renee and I split that dish along with the Shrimp Caprese Linguine. 900 calories. Gah!
I had lots of salad *I asked for my own with dressing on the side cuz I don't like it drenched in it.* And I had 3 breadsticks with my meal. I ate half of each pasta dish, finishing every bite. I was pretty hungry! I had only had oatmeal, yogurt, an apple, a grilled chicken salad from O'Charleys & 2 O'Charley's rolls before dinner.
If it helps, I didn't use the butter? ha. I consider them tasty enough without it.
*Omygoodness, it has been almost 2 years since I had enjoyed one of those delicious buttery bites of heaven. I was proud of myself for eating them. It's also much easier to eat stuff like unhealthy rolls when my teammates are enjoying them, too. :) I love eating out with people that have a massive appetite the way I do.*

Anyway, I didn't count calories yesterday. I haven't counted them in a while, actually. I find it liberating. But I would say that my dinner alone ended up being 2000 calories. Wow, that is a lot. But it's better to eat 2000 calories for dinner when I am hungry and need the fuel rather than eating 2000 calories standing up in my kitchen over the sink with spoonfuls of tasteless ice cream and pb being shoved down my throat.

When I got back to my hotel room my teammate Chloe was still out with her mom that came to Philly to watch her race, and so I found myself alone. I started feeling guilty over the amount of food I ate. I definitely could have stopped eating a few bites earlier, but I kind of got into that mentality of "cleaning my plate".

All of a sudden the bingeing urge came on. I felt like a failure for eating so much at the restaurant, and I guess something in me wanted to continue the mindless eating thing.
BUT I stopped myself. I was like, how will eating more help you right now? I knew I would just feel horrible afterwards last night and all day today if I binged. I don't want anything to sabotage my 5k race tonight. I have a good chance of setting a personal record and possibly breaking the school record. I went to bed still kinda feeling bad about Olive Garden but also feeling proud of myself for not bingeing.

I woke up this morning and did a 20 minute shakeout run. Afterwards I stretched and came upstairs for breakfast. Chloe, Renee, and Katie went out to get a bagel or something, but I had packed food and didn't feel like spending money, so I ate in the hotel. I had a Kroger Carbmaster yogurt + Kashi Go lean cereal. Then a 100 cal English muffin with some lowfat cream cheese. And then ANOTHER yogurt, greek this time, with some Kashi go lean. In general, I had a bunch of cereal. And a good amount of cream cheese (3 tbsp?).
Doing stuff like this (eating randomly until I feel full) scares me. I feel like my body is trying to make me fat. Why is it never satisfied? ha.

Afterwards I got online, checked facebook, checked my grades *only 1 is posted- an A in Theatre*, and read some blogs. I got hungry literally 30 minutes after breakfast, which really annoyed me btw, so I ate an apple.

It's 1:30 now, and I don't really feel hungry. Finally, satisfaction! ha. But the girls and I are supposed to meet downstairs in the lobby to go looking for something to eat in about 45 minutes.
Part of me is mad at myself for eating the apple cuz I might not be as hungry for lunch, but what the heck, who cares? That just means I will eat a little less at lunch.
Adriana, me, and Renee at Ole Miss last weekend :)
I know I have been writing a bunch about food, but honestly it is on my mind less than ever. It's just that I know that I have gained weight, and that weight gain/changing body is on my mind more than anything. I worry over this intuitive eating thing. I looked myself in the mirror before the shower and thought, "gross", but afterwards I thought I looked pretty good. I definitely look bigger, but I also look much healthier.
A picture of me in the hotel bathroom this morning :p
Another thing that has been bothering me is my coaches' perceptions of me. I know that the wife of one of my coaches sometimes reads my blog.. What if she is letting him know how out of control I am? I hope that he and the rest of them are not disappointed in me..
I'm trying to get a hold on things now by stopping this viscious cycle.

Most important of all, today is race day!!
I've gotta put all doubts aside and kick some butt for 12.5 laps. I am excited for some competition and great race conditions.

So wow this is so long. If you read it all, then wow. Apparently you find my rambling to be somewhat interesting. Sorry if you didn't!
The comments on the last couple posts have really helped! See, I've even implemented the advice you guys are sharing. And let's make today another binge-free/doubt-free day!! :)

<3 Haley


  1. Hi Haley,
    I haven't commented on your posts in a while, but I want to tell you that your progress in recovery is really inspiring. I think you're doing an amazing job and I think you should be really proud of yourself for eating without restrictions. I know it must have been a huge challenge at Olive Garden, and I hope to one day be able to do what you did - eat what I want without changing my order or eating less because of calorie counts. That's a huge accomplishment, and so is not bingeing afterward! Congrats :)
    It's great that you're able to eat more in accordance with hunger. If it helps, instead of feeling guilty about eating in response to hunger, try to be grateful for your hunger cues and your ability to trust your body again. Hope you're having a great day, and good luck at your race!

  2. I'm so proud of how you did eating out yesterday and then not bingeing after, even though you wanted to keep eating! That would have been hard for me to do too, but it's awesome that you are recognizing that you are hungry and your body needs food. I need to be a lot better about intuitive eating. Right now I just follow my meal plan, but I don't want to do that for the rest of my life. I am still learning how to be sensitive to my body's hunger/satiety signals, which is pretty hard. You are doing so awesome in every aspect and look great! I am so excited about your race tonight! Get another school record! Love you and praying for you!

  3. It is a scary part of recovery; trying to listen to your body and see what it tells you. But I know you will do amazing. You rocked for not binging after dinner! It took a lot of courage and determination. I am proud of you!!!!!

  4. Why have they added calories?!!! They have done that at restaurants here, and as a recovered person, I would hate all of that and that knowledge of my favourite dishes.
    I love that when I eat I eat what I love and want.
    No calorie counting at home or when I have a meal.
    But to be sat there with that in front of me, I think I would want to bang my head on the table ;)

    Any way, kudos to having what YOU wanted and doing it in a way that felt safe.
    And with all the running, YES you need it.

    You amaze me xxxx

  5. i enjoyed every bite of our olive garden meal! :)

    hay, i am so glad we can share this awesome trip together. just remember, don't stress and always get what you WANT :) you are looking fantastic!

    (i have been successful 6 times today...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!??? HAHAHAHAHAHA)

  6. i agree with Renee - you look fab! i feel proud of you for overcoming urges and enjoying a meal with your friends :-)

  7. CLEARLY your new weight gain has only helped you :):) :) ((congrats on the PR/School Record/fastness.... Renee's FB filled me in))

    We've never met, but I stumbled upon your blog via Renee's and I've been hooked ever since.

    You look HEALTHY and FIT! Keep your head pointed in the right direction and there will be big things to come.

    Good luck with all your future endeavors and I can't wait to hear about all your progress.

  8. I'm so proud of you for all the hard work you've been putting in! I'm sure it must've been hard to eat that Olive Garden meal but you did it. You've also avoiding bingeing which is a huge deal. I know you can keep going forward!
    It sounds like you're having fun competing and remember that enjoying your sport is what matters!
    Much love<3

  9. You are amazing!!! Keep fighting girl and I really love how you are blogging more often. You are so inspiring and encouraging to me and I can't thank you enough.

    Also, 125 laps = how many miles?? I though 4 laps = a mile...


  10. Yeah... I always get the linguini marinara because it has the little Olive Branch which means it's low cal or whatever. It's going to be even harder to eat there if they post the calories because like you, I'll look at it and really care. But at least you enjoyed the meal with your teammates, and think of it is as fuel for your race rather than just calories.

    Good luck with your race and hope you set some records! And congrats on the A in theatre.


  11. Wow, you are doing so awesome!!! Knowing the calories and eating without restriction anyway is a huge accomplishment. You are fueling your body and it is making a difference in how you perform. That should be incentive right there. You are beautiful inside and out. I love the black and white pic in your last post! Sending {{{HUGS}}} Keep up the hard work:)