Going to Nationals!

Okay, so I made it.
I'm going to the National meet in Des Moines, Iowa June 9th or so..
But man, was it one crazy race to get there!!

The whole day was spent mentally preparing for the race. I knew I would have to get in the top 12 and stay there, so that's just what I did.
When the gun went off, I jumped in the pack and stayed around 10th place.
The first couple laps were a bit fast, and by the time we got to the mile mark around 5:19 pace, the pace slowed down tremendously.
I guess the girls didn't want to wear themselves out too fast..
Anyway, the race went on going much slower than I expected, and we just kept trucking on at like 5:30 something pace per mile. (Too slow!!)

I moved into third by mile 4 (It's a 6.2 mile race, btw), and I stayed there until we had 1000 or so meters  (less than a mile) to go.
I knew that I wasn't in a good spot, though. I don't have much of a kick, and I knew it would come down to a foot race. I was just too scared to take the lead :/
So the last lap and a half I see a whirlwind of girls pass me.
I'm trying so hard to sprint as fast as them, but my legs just don't have what it takes.
I split my last lap at a 75, and my last mile was sub 5:15. Still, though, it couldn't hold off the others.

I'm bending over at the end trying to count the girls ahead of me. Top 12 go to the final round of Nationals. I count 10 girls. That means I'm #11. Okay, that's okay. I'm gonna go.
My trainer and I look up at the scoreboard and nervously await as my name moves farther and farther down on the list..
Eventually it pops up with my place and time. #13 Haley Greenwell 33:52.87.. (Not exactly sure on the milliseconds, but I do know that I was .17 away from 12th place).

"Noooo!", I cry. "I've worked so hard.. I worked so hard.."
I proceed to go up to the tent to change out of my spikes while having a little pity party..
5-7 minutes later!!! my coach & trainer come over to me and tell me that they think the scoreboard was wrong. They think I got 11th. They must have counted two lapped runners.
Whaaat!
So this is crazy. We spend the next few minutes trying to get everything straightened out, and it turns out that I actually was 11th.

Things I learned from this: Now I know that I can't leave it down to the last few laps. I have to make it hard in the middle. If I have to lead, then so be it. But I'm going to make Nationals an honest race.
Also, the funny thing is that my life wasn't over even though I didn't make it. Yes, I was really disappointed, but I actually thought back to what I had blogged that day about being happy with my best. And hey, that was my best. I set a new personal and school record. I ran with heart. That's all I can do. Even if I hadn't made this final round, I would have found happiness within myself.

Ahh it is so awesome to be able to settle for accept your best and not expect perfection. Seriously.
This post is all frazzled because I wrote it so speedily cuz I gotta go to the track meet to cheer on teammates now, but I just wanted yall to know how I did.

I never would have made it this far if I was as miserable/sick as I was this past summer/early fall with ED. I wouldn't have been strong enough, mentally or physically. To know that I can accomplish all that I have lets me know that I never need to return to anorexia as a means of coping with my life again. I can do anything I set my mind to, all with God's help, and yours. Thank you all for being so encouraging and supportive. I love you so much.

<3 Haley