Thursday, January 6, 2011

Late night posts..

What's up with the fact that I only post late at night when I should be sleeping?
I even tried to post last night but for some reason the stupid wi-fi in my apartment was acting up.
Anyway, today was my first day of Tuesday-Thursday classes for the semester. I had the MWF classes yesterday, obviously. Overall, I really like all of them! I'm excited to learn some new things and to take on a challenge :)
One thing I noticed today when I was talking to one of my teammates about our World Lit after 1600 class was that not once during any of my 6 classes these past two days did I spend my time worrying about food consumption or calorie intake, blahblahblah. I paid attention to everything about the 6 foreign novels we're going to be reading without drifting into lala land where I debate on when and what I shall eat next. That is SO great! Seriously.
Last semester I didn't really notice it as being too much of a problem because I obviously had forgotten what it was like to NOT think about these things.
But now that I feel more normal than ever, it's clear to me that constantly worrying over food is just plain stupid and a waste of my brain power!
I can't wait to make even more progress with killing this ED :)

Speaking of defeating ED's, (I talk about that on this blog? Shocker! ;P) one of my friends on the team did the (1,2,3,4,4,3,2,1 minutes hard) workout with me today, and she was looking much weaker and tired than the last time we had done this workout except last time we even added a 5 minute in the middle.. This is the friend that's dealing with an ED herself..
It's so hard for me to see her go through this. I know that I can't do it for her, but I just want to shake her and tell her to eat something for goodness sake!
It seems that stuff like this always comes up around the time when I contemplate being restrictive again, too. I think it's God's way of saying, "Hey.. that's not cool. This is what's going to happen if you do. You will be tired, irritable, moody, lonely, depressed, hungry, cold, and dizzy all the time."
Who wants that? Not me.
Anyway, yesterday when this friend and I ran together at practice I told her about my binging episode on Christmas eve. She seemed pretty surprised by it, but not totally disgusted or anything like I feel everyone would/should be. I guess she's been there, so it's easier to get..
I really want to talk to her about this stuff because I know that she has been/is going through some of the same struggles, but at the same time I don't want to overload her with my problems and I also don't want her to feel that she has to compete with me to see who can get more control over eating.
So, I'm kind of at a crossroads about this.

Anyway, I had more on my mind but considering it is almost midnight and I have my first legit history lecture tomorrow morning at 8 A.M. I should probably go to sleep. Especially since it is one of my new year's resolutions to take more pride in my appearance. That takes time. This may seem like a vain resolution, but I actually do feel better about myself when I try a little harder to look decent instead of wearing sweats and tennis shoes to class every day. Ha, don't judge me :P
Well, goodnight all 8 followers of mine! (I don't even know if you all really read these, but I'd like to think that you do, so I will continue to do so for my own personal benefit)
Have a great Friday!
<3 Haley


  1. I'm glad that you were able to not think about ED for awhile...isn't it such a relief? The ED wastes so much of our time and energy. It's never worth it. judgment happening here...outside of school I live in sweats and tennis shoes!

    Stay strong! Kill that ED! =)

  2. Well I read the whole thing :)

    I love that about immersing myself in school agian. I can focus on studying and learning and I don't think about food at all.

    You are super cute, and look like you have such great relationships that you value. And an eating disorder should never get the chance to take that away from you!

    <3 Tori